Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Kwame 4 Prez

So the offseason has pretty much come and gone with a lot of noise, but no action. I remember when Kobe first made the get Jerry West request. Then it became the get West or trade me request. Then it became just trade me. My head nearly blew up thinking that the Lakers had to, and were going to do something crazy. KG! J.O.! Kidd! West as a consultant! SOMEBODY? Dan Gadzuric! Popeye Jones! Ice Cube! Air Bud! ANYBODY!??????

God I hate the Lakers front office.

I hate NBA GM's in general. Bunch of pussies.

So here we are, everyone smiling, acting like its cool. Kobe saying he texted Bynum. Bynum saying he never got any texts from Kobe. Kupchak saying he's happy with the team. Half the guys walking in looking like they went through chemotherapy. Fisher walking around looking bizarrely out of place. Oh, and Kwame's stupid ass getting in trouble with the police. MY GOD THIS GUYS IS A FREAKIN' MORON. WOW. By the way, they want to try playing Kwame at 4? Well in the past years he's pretty much admitted that he's to dumb to learn how to play the 4.

So again, here we are. What's this team going to look like. Are we going to make the playoffs? Is team chemistry going to be ok? bLAH Blah BLAH.

The Lakers, if everyone played to their FULLEST potential, could be a contender. Kobe owning like he does. Lamar quiting weed and going for 20-10-5, becoming an all-star for the first time. Bynum growing his facial hair and taking the leap for 15-8 or so. Farmar realizing he's not playing against Ryan Appleby anymore, and therefore stopping the dumb passes, and playing out of his mind defense. Vlad Rad (who seriously has the potential to be a poor man's Dirk), getting his head out of his ass and realizing there is more to life then fouling players and launching 3's. Sasha… he's pretty much played at his potential already. And Kwame. Yes.

Without a doubt, this is not going to happen. Bynum, I doubt is ready to do anything other then sprout hair in his sphincter. L.O. will tease my fantasy team for a week then inevitably get hurt/lose focus. Farmar will become so big headed by his appearance on "Sport Science", that he'll fight with Kobe for control of the the team.

Do the Lakers have the potential to shock some people? Yes. But I am not optimistic. The past 3 years have been quite sad. I'm not going to get my hopes up like I did last year. All I can say is, enjoy every moment with Kobe this year. CHERISH IT! Because it might be the last.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

if this doesnt get done, then i hope Kobe bounces on these morons.

Lets get one thing straight. I hate Shawn Marion. The thing I love most about basketball, is its graceful beauty. Kobe's reverse lay up, Kobe's fade away, Kobe's midrange pull up... Shawn Marion is the opposite. Ugliest shot. Can't dribble. Force and strength instead of touch and grace. Plus the man is ugly as hell. He'll one day be featured in "Annoying Faces of the NBA" no matter what team hes on.


I'd rather have Kobe LO and AK by the way, but I've heard nothing about that happening. What I would give to have Mitch's phone tapped. He's probably calling 1-800-999-tina all day. So now, LO for Marion seems like a real possibility. There are logical reasons why the suns would want odom (versatile, can run the break, can handle the ball, is not marion). But would Marion be right for the Lakers? Is this a lateral move?

Looking purely at the numbers, there is not a huge difference. For the past 3 years, Marion will get you about 4 more points, 1.5 more rebounds, one more steal, and half a block or so more. While Lamar chips in about 3 more assists. One more steal and half a block is kind of a lot as steals and block go, but otherwise big woop. From a pure stats angle, Marion is a marginal upgrade. Hey, Odom wasn't all that bad.

But stats aren't all that. Pippen wasn't exactly putting up 25-10-8 next to MJ (more like 18-8-6). The difference is this. To me, Marion is a legit 2nd option. Lamar is not. The knowledgeable Suns fan will tell you how many key plays Marion has been responsible for. Lamar? His biggest contribution was allowing Marion to grab the rebound in last seconds of Game 6. And I don't even need to tell you what Game 6 I'm talking about. WE ALL KNOW. You think KG lets anyone get a sniff at that ball? OH KG WHY!! Marion makes big plays. He grabs key boards. AND. Marion plays mad D. Now honestly, my images of Marion playing mad D include Kobe jukin' him so hard that he falls down, and Lamar abusing him in the playoffs. If every expert out there didn't whip out their penis' for Marion's D, then I would think very poorly of it. But apparently hes the man. or something. In any case, he's for sure better then Lamar, and if he truly is an All NBA defender, then thats even better.

Now Marion by himself is not gonna take us to the promised land. I have no delusions about that. But the reason I want this trade, is that it is a lot easier to get a 3rd option, then 2nd. If we have Kobe and Marion, we don't need JO, or AK, or KG (though Boston would beg to differ). All we would need then is to find a legit 3rd option. It's a lot easier to trade Mr. Expiring Contract, and Mr. UCLA man with worst tattoo, and change, for someone like Ben Gordon, then KG. I really like Ben by the way. And if somehow, Bynum could divert his attention from "gurlz" and actually grow a set of balls, then maybe he could even be that 3rd option this year. Wouldnt that be great.

In any case, the other reasons I am for this trade are obvious. Lamar never played particularly well with Kobe, and Marion thrives without the ball. Lamar has the mental toughness of Chris Crocker (the "leave britney alone" dude/gal/boy/little girl). Marion, uhm... he's gotta be better then that rite? Fisher knows the triangle and can initiate much better then Smush, taking away some of the need to be having someone like Lamar bring the ball up. Marion would be playing with the fire to convert Nash's MVP into a giant piece of poo. Lamar would be playing with the fire to convert his potential into a giant piece of poo.

Marion's just better. Why the hell wouldn't we do it?

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

lies make baby Jesus cry.

So Odom never turned out to be the Scotty to Kobe's Jordan. It was kind of dumb of us to think he could. L.O. is a good player, but he's not half the defender, and he doesn't have half of Pippen's heart and killer instinct. Pippen was named one of the best 50 of all time. Is Lamar even one of the best 100? I doubt it.

So how about instead of L.O. as Scotty, we have Andrei Kirilenko AND L.O. be Scotty. Think about that. AK-47 is a first team defender. He can score (uh...I will say last year is not an accurate representation, where Smush sadly outscored him). He can board. He can dish. He can block shots (3.3, and 3.2 per game in 05, 06!!!!!). Hes Russian. His wife is hot. He will not cry (mah bad... the man does cry about some things, but thats ok, tears give strength) about being the 3rd option. He is a great individual (according to John Amaechi). He would highly benefit from being coached by the anti-Sloan. Match that with L.O., who wont have to score 20+, and can keep focusing on the 10 and 5, and damn...thats master p0wnage right there.

Kobe. Ak-47. Lamar. throw in a Luke Walton, a D-Fish, a hungry and healthy Mihm, a Mo Evans who'll stop thinking he's Kobe's Pippen, P.J., and what we have here my friends is cash money.

Is Ak-47 overpaid? Hell yah! But look, at this point, we are not gonna fall upon any miraculous catches of cheap star players (see yah Artest!). And we are not going to get J.O., because Larry Bird is a shrewd GM, and in my Laker loving eyes, a huge douche who wouldn't know a fair deal if it stuck its finger up his green ass. (I love Larry Bird, the player, by the way. What a mother ****ing G!) Scan the NBA, who else is out there that would be available? AK is ripe for the taking. He publicly wants out (lowers trade value), he's coming off a horrible year (lowers trade value), and he's overpaid (lowers trade value, unless you are GM of the Knicks). And if you think that Utah is going to keep him after he complained specifically about Coach Sloan, then I will say...I hope they don't. But seriously, how's practice going to be now that those comments were made? Do you think that Sloan is going to change his tone specifically for a weepy Russian, and undermine his credibility and power with all the other players who take his crap without public complaint? And if he doesn't change, how do you think Andrei is going to react to being called a "mother ****ing cunt" some more (John Amaechi again). Unless Utah is going to fire Sloan, AK must go.

Which brings us to the final part of the equation, and the toughest. What do we give up? Realistically, the only thing we have to give up besides Kobe (obviously would like to keep the best player in the NBA), and Lamar (as much as I like AK, I'd rather have Lamar), are Bynum and Kwame's expiring contract. Would Utah take this trade? I really freaking hope so. Logically speaking do they want this trade? Well everyone likes cap relief, especially the Jazz who have a lot of important contract extensions coming up. But I don't know that Utah needs a project center at this point. By the way, if you are not willing to give up Bynum for AK-47 I think you have problems. Overall, Bynum could end up having the better career, but I dont give a rats ass about that at the moment. I want to win, and more specifically, I want to see Kobe win, NOW. Bynum seems like a guy who needs to be called a cunt every once in a while anyway. In any case, I hope and pray that Utah does not get any better offers, and is willing to make this deal. Throw in Farmar if need be. Or Vlad man Rad. HE LOVES UTAH! I just want to know that the Lakers at least put out an offer that includes Bynum if necessary. Just show me that you aren't signing random ass players like Elton Brown, Coby Carl, and some undrafted fool from USC, and thinking thats what Kobe meant when said "do something and do it now".

By the way, last season really was a fluke for Kirilenko. Why? There are a lot of reasons why. The important thing is that its true.


elton brown? are we stockpiling assets for a big trade? or are we just gonna keep closing our eyes, crossing our fingers, and hoping for the best.

Friday, September 7, 2007


Sorry everyone, for the lack of update. I am trying to get my life together.

Phil Jackson has been in the news lately as his Hall of Fame induction has brought him out of his hotbox in Montana. I love Phil Jackson. He’s like a mother figure to me. When he’s around, I know everything is going to be ok. Lakers down 0-2 to San Antonio? Phil’s not panicking, why should I? The other team goes on a 15-2 run? Phil’s chillin’. I will too.

Nothing has been done to improve the team. WHY!? You can float a lot of theories out there. The power struggle, the father-son dynamic, the ineptitude of Mitch, the secret plan to trade Kobe, etc. etc. I don’t really know. You don’t know. All the other bloggers and sports talk show guys are just floating out their own opinions. Vic the Brick, by the way, well… he deserves his own post someday.

In any case, it’s looking more and more like the current team is the team we’re going to have for the rest of the year, and that worries me. Why? Not so much because I look at the roster and already see Steve Nash walking happily off the court after beating the Lakers in the round 1 again. Not so much because Sasha and Cook are still on the team. Not even because this could be Kobe’s last year. I’m worried cuz Phil seems worried. Phil does not seem to have a whole lot of trust in the roster as composed. Phil doesn’t seem to have a lot of confidence in the front office. Phil doesn’t seem to think that Bynum is going to be close to ready in the next year, or that Odom is going to make the questions about a legit second option a moot point. Phil is not happy. That makes me very uneasy.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Kobe Vs Lebron

I'll admit it. I suck on Kobe's teat with the best of em. I am an unabashed Kobe apologist. I want Kobe to succeed and no one else. ESPN's Chris Broussard says Lebrons better then Kobe? After watching him have one hot shooting night in the playoffs against Detroit? Please. If Detroit played D on Kobe like they did on Lebron, the game would've never gone to OT. Most pathetic defense I've ever seen. Kobe is an ego maniac whos a big baby? oh, and Lebron is not? Please. You think Lebron signed that three year deal in Cleveland, and not the max five year deal so that he could NOT bizounce if the Cavs suck balls by then? Please. Lebron made Daniel Gibson a hot three point shooter? Please. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. Lebron is douche. A douche who chews his fingernails that probably have doo doo butter on them. If Kobe called himself king and came out on the ESPY's on a throne, oh my Lord, the haters out there would have a brain aneurysm. Lebron is a great player (mostly due to his God given talent more then anything else). But Mr. Global Icon, he just as big an ass as the next guy.

and I wrote this after watching Lebron dominate like a beast last night, and secretly getting worried that the divide may be shrinking as Lebron gets better, and Kobe gets older and can't finish a wide open dunk where he has to jump without running. Oh it makes me sad.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Annoying Faces of the NBA pt. 1

There are a lot of guys in the nba who's faces I would like to punch. And some so annoying it makes me want to punch myself. Being a Laker fan, most of these guys will come from hated rivals such as phoenix, or san antonio (though brian cook's stupid ass blank look drives me insane too). Throughout the season I will try and update this series with other players, of which Mike Bibby is high on my list. But for today, because of the FIBA tournament going on, I will begin with that son of a bitch Leandro Barbosa.

Damn I hate this foo. Looks like some lizard, teenage mutant ninja turtle hybrid. Your shot is ugly too son. Stop taking cues from Shawn Marion (who should also be on this list, though will not be because he seems to suck in the playoffs against the lakers so i love him). Every time they showed a closeup of lizard man after he would blow by Smush (definitely gonna be on the list) for an easy ass lay up, I would swear at the damn tv. If someone is gonna carve us up, they should be good looking. Like Emeka Okafor. If he tore us up, maybe I wouldn't mind so much. Instead, it has to be guys like Bibby, Manu, and Steve Blake.

Your face is whack "Leandrinho" (I got that off the nba site. Weird)