Thursday, August 30, 2007

Kobe Vs Lebron

I'll admit it. I suck on Kobe's teat with the best of em. I am an unabashed Kobe apologist. I want Kobe to succeed and no one else. ESPN's Chris Broussard says Lebrons better then Kobe? After watching him have one hot shooting night in the playoffs against Detroit? Please. If Detroit played D on Kobe like they did on Lebron, the game would've never gone to OT. Most pathetic defense I've ever seen. Kobe is an ego maniac whos a big baby? oh, and Lebron is not? Please. You think Lebron signed that three year deal in Cleveland, and not the max five year deal so that he could NOT bizounce if the Cavs suck balls by then? Please. Lebron made Daniel Gibson a hot three point shooter? Please. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. Lebron is douche. A douche who chews his fingernails that probably have doo doo butter on them. If Kobe called himself king and came out on the ESPY's on a throne, oh my Lord, the haters out there would have a brain aneurysm. Lebron is a great player (mostly due to his God given talent more then anything else). But Mr. Global Icon, he just as big an ass as the next guy.

and I wrote this after watching Lebron dominate like a beast last night, and secretly getting worried that the divide may be shrinking as Lebron gets better, and Kobe gets older and can't finish a wide open dunk where he has to jump without running. Oh it makes me sad.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Annoying Faces of the NBA pt. 1

There are a lot of guys in the nba who's faces I would like to punch. And some so annoying it makes me want to punch myself. Being a Laker fan, most of these guys will come from hated rivals such as phoenix, or san antonio (though brian cook's stupid ass blank look drives me insane too). Throughout the season I will try and update this series with other players, of which Mike Bibby is high on my list. But for today, because of the FIBA tournament going on, I will begin with that son of a bitch Leandro Barbosa.

Damn I hate this foo. Looks like some lizard, teenage mutant ninja turtle hybrid. Your shot is ugly too son. Stop taking cues from Shawn Marion (who should also be on this list, though will not be because he seems to suck in the playoffs against the lakers so i love him). Every time they showed a closeup of lizard man after he would blow by Smush (definitely gonna be on the list) for an easy ass lay up, I would swear at the damn tv. If someone is gonna carve us up, they should be good looking. Like Emeka Okafor. If he tore us up, maybe I wouldn't mind so much. Instead, it has to be guys like Bibby, Manu, and Steve Blake.

Your face is whack "Leandrinho" (I got that off the nba site. Weird)

Friday, August 24, 2007

hate hate hate

Im going to start off this blog with a post that hates on the other Laker blogs out there. I’m not trying to start a fight. I just wanna let the hate in my heart out. I’ll begin with the blogs that aren’t so bad, and move down to the worst of the worst.

Forum Blue and Gold – Probably the best Laker blog out there, though its not perfect. Kurt does a nice job of giving us smart analysis of what is going on in Laker land. He updates frequently, doesn’t engage in the ridiculous rumor mill, and knows basketball. The only thing missing from his blog is insider information, which I don’t believe Kurt has access too. True inside information is essential to make a blog great. Yes that automatically disqualifies my own blog. Eat a dick.

Kevin Ding’s Blog – Kevin’s blog would be the best, because as a beat reporter he does have the inside info that we love, and he is smart, objective, and homies with Kobe. However, he seems to have taken the entire summer off. What the hell do NBA beat guys do in the offseason anyway? Kevin. WTF. This is when we need your information the most. Take a page from the other Asian dude who writes and blogs for the Warriors, and get back to work. (for the record, I can make asian jokes. Because im white)

John Ireland’s Blog – I like john Ireland. I don’t know why. Maybe its because I grew up watching him as a kid. Or maybe its because his face is just so ridiculous. But you can tell John is as big a Laker fan as you and me out there, and he’s got that access we so crave. He deserves it, God gave him a cartoon face. John’s blog get knocked down a few notches for a lack up updates, though hes been working on that, and for blogging about useless things like UCLA football. Also, his taste in music is atrocious. But not as atrocious as his radio partner Steve Mason. A middle aged man who loves Fall Out Boy and The Plain White T’s. Makes me sad.

The Laker’s Blog (L.A. Times)- www. The Kamenetzky brothers run a blog for the LA Times that is high on comments, and low in anything else. A real snooze fest. Basically they make obvious jokes and put up links to other people’s articles. I don’t really have an opinion on this site, because theres nothing to really have an opinion on. They don’t really do the in-depth analysis, or the inside information, or the wild opinions that evoke emotion. I’ve never read this blog and came away feeling like I took anything from it. “Virgin Islands deflowered” was pretty good though. I’d hit that.

Inside the Lakers, Rich Hammond’s Blog for the Daily News- – This blog blows. Hardly updated, and hardly interesting. The only reason its not at the bottom of the list is because it used to be the best blog when it was it was written by Ross Siler. Ross Siler had it all going for him. The most interesting information we could ask for, frequently updated, smart analysis, and objective reporting. After a tough Laker loss, I went to this blog to make myself feel better and find out what the hell was going on. DAMN YOU ROSS. Who leaves LA to go to UTAH. The only explanation is that Siler must be Mormon. He’s got the look down.

In the Refrigerator – Here is an exert from the most recent post about a dream the author had “I looked skyward in fear as objects started to fly overhead. A cow. Paula Abdul. Kevin Garnett… I ran, but the tornado caught up to me and sucked me into its vortex. The last thing I remember seeing before passing out was David Stern’s head on Michael Jordan’s body… “. Riveting stuff. I dreamt I was peeing once, and when I woke up, I actually was. I think my dream was more relevant.

Big Laker Fan – Hasn’t posted since August 1st. If you don’t put up a post within 2 weeks of your last one, you’re dead to me. Except Ding. I love Ding.

GetGarnett/Laker Nation- This site is great for one thing, finding links to what other sports writers around the country are saying about the Lakers. Other then that, it’s a site run by a bunch of drunk 20 year olds, and read by some of the most unintelligent sports fans in the world. All the “articles” written by the sites creators and contributors are an affront to sports intelligence. Quit trying to act like you write for A bastion for retarded ideas, here is a comment left by one of The Laker Nation’s reader’s. Regarding a post about Kobe calling Jermaine O’neal and asking him to force is way to LA (Good idea guys) :” hey i like this idea but i dont think kobe will call jo because then kob wll really look desperate and wat if jo says naw man i dont wanna demand a trade…wat then????” Good call bro… you deserve to be a writer for The Laker Nation.

To close out my first post, let me post two comments from “fans”. Both are from Inside the Lakers.

“Who hired Mitch. Iam real laker fan, he had an oppportunity, to sign Ron Artest, jason kidd, and Jermaine Oneal, and didnt. Mitch has a make the Lakers a contender to sign
oneal, whats stopping him. By the way, lets not forget Chris Weber.”

This is a common type of angry reaction that moron fans have. Apparently to them, trading in reality, is like trading in NBA Live, where I was able to turn a Lakers roster of Kobe, Lamar, Mihm, Vlade, Caron Butler, Kareem Rush, Luke Walton, Brian Cook, and a few others, into a starting five of Kobe, Michael Redd, Lebron, Dwight Howard, and Tyson Chandler. I kid you not. If it were really that easy, it’d be done by now. Screw you Larry Bird.

“LA need nice gard like Artest. Trade Fish, Kuck, Sasha for Artest.”

This guy right here is crazy! Brian Kuck is gonna be a hall of famer, you cant just give him away! Sasha is probably the 2nd best gard in the league! And Fish? Well yeah, screw his daughter. SHIP HIS ASS OUT.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Happy Birthday Kobe

Kobe is 29 today. and that makes me sad.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007